Tears...

Wow! I have only gone through two days of teaching this week and have already shed tears...on both days, none the less.

Yesterday, I was in tears after a tough day. I mean I was beginning to question everything. I knew this year would be a challenge, but that was way beyond anything I had imagined. If you can believe it, I was longing for the busy days of student teaching (and the coursework that went along with it). I was in such a state that I called my mother.

Today, I also shed tears at the end of the day. I was overwhelmed with joy! I felt confident and comfortable. I was able to make a positive phone call home for a student. I had a successful parent conference. My students demonstrated a greater responsibility with their work; I was able to do my homework dance! This was just the day that I needed to keep me on course.

After my day yesterday, my husband told me that I would be okay, to hang in there, and know that teaching has many ups and downs. He was not surprised when I told him what a GREAT day I had today. I know there are many highs and lows to come, but with each day comes a new set of challenges and rewards.

I will shed many more tears as I continue in this profession. I hope they never go away. They are my reminder that I am invested in the students, and what I am doing. I see them as a testament to my strength, my weakness, my humanity.

Wanting to Run Before I Can Walk

I have managed to survive my first two weeks teaching. Well, it was more like 7.5 days due to the winter weather. Just when I was starting to establish procedures, and looking forward to moving along with the curriculum...BAM. I suppose that is life; as soon as we get a little comfortable, something happens to keep us on our toes.

I am anxious to get into a real routine with my class. One that lasts for more than 5 days. Unfortunately, we have end of quarter assessments this week, along with a field trip. I suppose I should get used to these crazy schedule changes, as they seem to be a regular part of the school year.

I am feeling so overwhelmed with meetings, paperwork, planning for the many different learning needs in my classroom, and trying to develop a sense of classroom community during an already packed school day. There is so much that I want to do, but am not sure how to go about doing it. I guess it is all about the process. I know that I can't be perfect, but is it bad to strive for that ideal? I have found myself becoming frustrated about being a first year teacher over the past few weeks. I know that if I had more experience I could do such a better job teaching my students. I worry that what I am able to do will not be enough; it is always on my mind.

Mariposas

My alarm clock will go off in 6 hours, but I will probably be awake by then. Tomorrow is my first day of school as a teacher. I have my outfit laid out, my lunch packed, breakfast items lined up for morning assembly, my bags ready to go, and my plans typed.

I am anxious to get started, and I hope, I hope, I hope that I have prepared enough for the first day. I feel like I have gone over the day in my mind a million times already. I definitely have a million butterflies in my stomach right now. I know they will fly away as soon as I get into the day.

Ready, or not, here I come!